Finding St Anthony Among the Lost Items

Just back from a vacation with the family and it brought some issues to the surface. Anytime you spend 5-6 days with adult children in close quarters, I think there will be times when tempers will flare. Many times it is because people are tired. Anyway, I encountered a scenario that I want to share with the other fathers (parents). One of my daughters, who has been designated the family’s complainer, had a trying set of days. Our schedule for the trip was very heavy and she was looking for some time to relax. Unfortunately there were few breaks and the pace took its toll on her. Eventually, as it always does, it bubbled to the top and her temper let loose. She said something that was extremely hurtful to me. It was a flippant statement and in hindsight, she did not intend for it to be so hurtful but it was. My reacion was not what I wanted it to be as I was also tired. The entire scenario changes when parent and child become two adults. As a parent, you always have expectations. When they are not met you are disappointed. But at the end of the day, it is still your child. How exactly do you prepare for this situation? Most of the Bible scenarios depict the Holy Family when Jesus was a child. The Wedding at Cana gives us a concrete example of Jesus and Mary as adults but I am relatively sure that Mary was aware of Jesus’ divinity at that point so that changes the paradigm. Jesus had a divine mission and Mary was definitely part of the plan. Was she disappointed with Jesus’ response? John 2:4 says, “ Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, how does your concern affect me? My hour has not yet come.’ What would we do if our child addressed us as Jesus did to his Mother in this passage. Of course we are missing the tone here but it appears to be abrupt. We know of course from the Bible that Jesus was tender, loving and gentle. Of course he would have held his Mother close to his heart. He knew that God had chosen her to be the mother of the Savior of the world. Still the rebuke seems harsh. Her response is not. John 2:5 says, “His mother said to the servers, ‘Do whatever he tells you.’ Her response does not express anger at all. Is this how God expects us to react to hurtful comments from our children? I think we must review each situation as it comes. What sort of comment is our adult child making? Is it a personal attack? Are they delivering a message from our Father that will benefit our spiritual growth? I always return to my early philosophy of child rearing. I have set certain expectation for my children, who are on loan from God. I expect for them to be good Christians who love God. I expect them to live by the Ten Commandments and the fourth addresses this point. Respect for you parents involves controlling your tongue. I have done it many times with my parents and I expect my children to do the same. But I must also respect them as a gift from God and I must learn to curb my tongue as well, no matter if I am tired or worn out. I guess it was a teaching and learning moment in this journey as a parent.