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The holidays are a joyful time but can also bring apprehension and anxiety. We are excited about visiting with our family but we very often are anticipating discord. Frequently this time of the year involves going “home” to our parent’s house for the Christmas celebration. The anxiety level is often raised on both sides. The parents want everything to be perfect and for all of the existing problems to be put aside, at least for the day. The “children” (who are now adults very often with children of their own) are anticipating the judgment they will have to endure from their parents. A lot of people feel like their parents want to change them so the holiday celebration becomes one of avoidance and allusion instead of a day of enjoyment. St. Paul offers some good advice for times such as these. In Ephesians 6:4, St. Paul tells parents to not irritate or provoke their children to anger but instead to rear them in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord. Paul very wisely is pointing out that the provocation will usually only serve to create a resentful attitude in the child toward the parent. As parents, love and acceptance are two of the greatest gifts we can give our children. When we offer this path, our children are then free to become the people God designed them to be. If we try to manipulate our children, we are not loving them. Loving them means setting them free to be who they are and believing that God has a plan for them. The Book of Proverbs also offers us advice on this matter in 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” He or she will also, more than likely, not depart from you either. That is, after all, what we are trying to do as we love and nurture our children to adulthood. We want to build lifelong relationships with them. We want to be part of their lives and we want them to be part of ours. If you are the parent in this situation, I urge to open your heart and your home this Christmas and invite your children in just as God created them. If you are the child in this situation, I encourage you to realize that your parents are not perfect but are usually trying to be the best they know how. Perhaps a frank conversation with them about how their manipulation makes you feel would be the best Christmas gift. But remember to honor their role in your life. Share with them the spiritual journey you are on and talk to them about your understanding of where God is leading you. Removing strife and disharmony from your life is an ongoing challenge but you should use this beautiful season as a time to make a change in your life. Taking the first step is the most difficult but think of Mary accepting God’s offer. Think of Joseph accepting his role as earthly father. Think of Jesus accepting the heaviest burden of all. Their example provides a great template for the rest of us. Have a blessed Christmas.

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